I had already had a bout with anxiety during JEE Mains and Advanced. That was the first time I had felt anxious about an exam in my life and I didn’t even have any pressure from my family. Somehow I did better than I expected in JEE and I was on a high on entering IITB, with the thought that I am easily going to ace whatever challenges IIT throws at me. My first semester was filled with extra-currics like many at IIT B, but the academic results weren’t as great as I had expected them to be. All my friends had scored more than me and this made me anxious and I started blaming people around me. I was trying to study their way, but it didn’t work for me. I met counselor, Ms. Hima Anaredy in December, right after my first semester, but with a closed (slightly narcissist) mind. She suggested I make a schedule and find my own way of studying. I didn’t follow up with her. In the second semester, I worked very hard, but the results, although better than the previous semester were worse than I expected. At this point my CPI was around 8.7? for those who would like to get an idea. Many (including myself in hindsight) would see this as a pretty good performance but I wasn’t satisfied with it. From my second semester, end sems became a very difficult time for me. I used to cry and talk to my parents before/after almost every endsem even though they went well.
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In my third semester, on returning from the summer vacations, I started going for regular counselling sessions with Hima ma’am. Initially I told her about all my problems, she listened to them carefully and suggested me techniques to bring down my anxiety in anxious situations like tapping and positive self talk. She also suggested some things I can do when I am not anxious which help in anxious situations like journalling, regular meditation and exercise. I always thought why would the SWC help me because there might be other cases who are doing worse in terms of academics and me here, coming with my first world problems. But the counselling centre never saw it that way. They were always welcoming and I was never judged on my academic standing. They looked at it as a by product of my underlying psychology and not the root cause of my problems. Even in my third and fourth semester endsems I suffered from anxiety during endsems. But slowly it reduced by regularly practicing the techniques suggested by Hima ma’am. Keep faith in the methods suggested by counsellors, don’t look for immediate results. It’s a hard and slow process, but it does bring out results. Don’t expect anything, that prolongs the process. Keep faith and keep following the simple suggestions, it does get easier.
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Later on, even when the anxiety during exams reduced, it started coming up in other personal and professional aspects of institute life. The counselling centre was always there to help me see the bigger picture of what the problem actually was rather than trying to bind the problem to a situation of exams first and other stuff later on.
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I am extremely grateful to the counselling centre for the amazing experience I had during my institute life. In conclusion, my message after graduation is as follows -?
Don’t consider needing help as a taboo. It’s a very common thing and in the competitive world we live today a necessity for many.
We are lucky to have the counselling services at IITB at our disposal and should make full use of it.
It is possible that you need help even when to the outside world everything in your life seems to be going fine. If you feel like a duck (calm and composed on the outside, but fiercely paddling your legs inside the water which no one can see to appear calm and composed), you might need help. You don’t need to fight all your internal fights alone. Talking to someone who will just listen and not judge is very helpful to take weight off your shoulders.
Have an open mind while attending the counselling sessions and follow the techniques to your best without any expectations. They will help, eventually!